81 Comments
Jun 18Liked by Abi Roberts

I’ve heard some people say “I have no regrets, I wouldn’t do anything differently”. I agree to an extent that events in our past shape our future and the person we become.

However, when events impact on others then I’m minded to wonder ‘what if…..’.

But then it isn’t always helpful to trade what if’s as I beat myself up about things I could possibly have changed and feel guilty about. Clearly being able to hug my loved ones and really appreciate them in that moment would be lovely.

I look back at my 20’s and think of all the fun and freedom I had. I’d maybe experience that fun again or maybe I should just recreate that fun in my 40’s 🤷🏼‍♀️

Is it obvious I overthink things?! 😆

Expand full comment
author

Love you, Shouty. In my experience, all the most interesting people are overthinkers. Xx

Expand full comment

I definitely am...I have yet to have a boyfriend who has not said that they are grateful they do not live inside my head. I say: "you should be!"

Expand full comment
Jun 18Liked by Abi Roberts

I have often said that I wished I could go back in time (before I was born) to help my parents and partner when they were not being looked after properly as children - I would love to do that. I would also love to go back to one specific moment to help my little sister when she needed it and I did the wrong thing. Those things would be enough.

Expand full comment
author

Blimey these answers are blowing me away x

Expand full comment
Jun 18Liked by Abi Roberts

actually..sorry to be greedy but I would also like to go back to correct my behaviour towards my own children - one incident each that I dealt with badly.

Expand full comment
author

Wow, what a refreshingly honest answer! The fact that you're writing it here is testimony to your emotional intelligence.

PS Be as greedy as you damn well like here. No limit on the thread X

Expand full comment

haha - thank you! But I fear that once I get going....

Expand full comment

If only we had a crystal ball 😪 me too wished I'd phoned my brother when I had a feeling he was in trouble unfortunately too late , cried for almost 2 years time healed it to a degree but love hurts so much x

Expand full comment

Oh Jane I am so sorry. Sometimes the only way that I can reconcile myself with regret and pain (due to either not being able to help someone I love or from regret that I did the wrong thing) is to remind myself that feeling and caring, however difficult, is better than not feeling or caring. It shows really that we are healthy and human. There have been times when I felt I was getting close to getting hardened, and to switch off feeling, so I know now to try to value it, in a way, when I do feel painful grief.

Expand full comment

I’d choose to go back 4 years ago today, drive up to Yorkshire, get Benjamin’s stuff all packed and bring my boy back to Leicestershire.

This time 4 years ago, everything was fine- 26 days later, nothing was or would ever be fine again.

FUCK YOU SUICIDE!

Expand full comment

Rrr Trudi so sad Yr darling boy xx

Expand full comment

Trudi 💙

Expand full comment
founding

🙏🏻🥲

Expand full comment
Jun 18Liked by Abi Roberts

I think going back to visit lost loved ones would be the obvious choice. My mum and nan who I've not had in my life for 35 and 28 years respectively for certain. I'd also go back to a day I was really happy and in love. I'd also go back to when my son was small because we were so close then. The only parts of history would be gigs. The band's and performers I could see. I'd go to a specific Glastonbury show where my favourite band were amazing even though I was never there. Just places that are personal to me xx

Expand full comment
author

Such a beautiful, heartfelt answer, Lesley. Brought a tear to my mole eye X

Expand full comment

❤️ xx

Expand full comment

I would go back to 1985 and absolutely refuse to go on a date with my ex-husband!!! Seriously though, this question makes me feel a little sad as I think I’d like to go back to a time when I didn’t know about cruelty and evil in the world, a time when I lived in my little bubble of childish innocence safe in the knowledge my Mum and Dad were always there to love and protect me.

Expand full comment

Our lovely parents that loved us then when we loose them heartbreaking mine within a year of each other , happy memories ❤️

Expand full comment

I would go back to 1920s New York purely for the fashion and cool guys, not the prohibition 😂

Greece’s Classical period to see Hippocrates at work and 15th century Italy to witness Leonardo, Michelangelo, Raphael create their masterpieces. 🎨

Also the 1850s to check out the orphan trains, world fairs and the last reset to see what that was all about 😩

Expand full comment

OK - it had not occurred to me that I could request actual holidays into the past. Yes please to ancient Greece but also pretty much any time before any type of screen - before TVs. Then let me stay there and never come back.

Expand full comment

Back to the time before all the monsters who now rule the world were conceived and sterilise their parents

Expand full comment

Absolutely loved reading those ❤️

I’d like to go back to the time my now 40 year old daughter was a growing teenager and be able to notice her struggles. To not tell her to stop acting or talking a certain way, to not stop her breaking rules (within reason) and encourage her to be the most amazing person she now could be if it wasn’t for her self medicating and loss of her children through social services and the lockdowns, court cases done through zoom and doctors heavily medicating her to the point her new doctor has said that it is illegal to prescribe so many. I wish I could take it all back for her, I was wrapped up in my own life and I fear I may lose her x

Expand full comment

Tell her what you wrote here. I have been down a similar road to that of your daughter's. It is a terrible loneliness.

My situation with my parents was extreme and probably different to what you are talking about so forgive me if I speak out of turn. However, if my parents had said 'we're sorry. We fucked up.' I would have forgiven them immediately. However, they blew their chance. I still forgive them, but forgiveness with them out of my life because they are too dangerous to be in it.

Expand full comment

Thank you. I will today 🙏🏼 she is an addict now and sleeps all day. She is frantic because her new doctor wants to put her meds down. I’ve been praying for this moment. She feels she can’t face things - she is 3 hours away from me but I’m urging her to move closer to me now

I’m sorry that you were let down by your parents. But thank you for answering me x

Expand full comment

There is hope. I promise you. My little sister was so so ill (sectioned) and had been prescribed a cocktail of horrific medications for ages. I thought it was impossible for her to ever recover. She did though - she is not the same as she was - she is different but she is content and on only the smallest amount of antiepileptic meds now. Also, people get ill regardless of their parents and how they coped. Some people never get ill in this way despite a horrific upbringing I know it is hard but do try not to blame yourself. x

Expand full comment

Thank you for your kind words… it really gives hope for her. Thank you so much. Sending best wishes to you and your sister. Xx

Expand full comment

Thank you xxx

Expand full comment

Victoria, I understand this.

Coming off even one medication may take 1-2 years. If she does not go extremely slowly this could cause catastrophic withdrawl syndrome, and it is very, very, hard even tapering over a year. Doctors do NOT understand how to taper. I do not want to scare you but this can be very dangerous. As you are in the UK you are in luck - there are excellent doctors there who know how to do this.

Suggest checking out https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/

But, she has to want to do this herself and stay clean because it is an immense battle of wills over many years, and if she feels like her doctor is pushing her or withholding medication she will turn to street drugs.

So, she has to want to do it herself, and she has to have a live-in support person with her. The mental and physical impact of withdrawal for some people can be immense.

Expand full comment

She has been on them for 7 years… started with an epidural that went wrong and was perscribed painkillers. But liked her party drugs and self medicated through feeling depressed (now I know this was not fitting in the box society provides) so when lockdown came around she was an unlucky one. I was 100 miles away and we thought she would turn it around. Her friends wanted her to party… and her doctor gave her more meds. I will go into the link and have a good read.

It means so much that there are you guys on here with just the tiniest bit of help.

Thank you again xx

Expand full comment

Thank you so much for this… I didn’t realise. You’ve been so helpful. God bless you xx

Expand full comment

It is my honour. If there is anything you need please let me know. When the doctor says "she can come off in a few months with a 50% taper" alarm bells should start ringing in your head. Give it a year and by God she is going to have to fight for this. The lows are LOW.

There is also a good podcast on Spotify where people describe their symptoms called "Let's Talk Withdrawal."

God Bless and I will be praying for you and your daughter.

Expand full comment

He took a whole box of one of her oxy meds and all of her pregabelin - probably haven’t spelt it right. I told her yesterday how I felt. I couldn’t sleep last night and have just img her. She is being sick all the time at the moment. He has done it too fast. Her key worker is now trying to get them put back on. What a mess. Thank you for listening - it means a lot xx

Expand full comment

💯

Expand full comment

This is so sad. Every mum wishes they could take the pain of their children. Hang in there mate, all is not lost x

Expand full comment

Thank you 🙏🏼 xx

Expand full comment
founding

Victoria, your post made me cry. I pray your daughter will be well.

Expand full comment
founding

🙏🏻🥲

Expand full comment

I'd go back to when I was sixteen and not drink 1/2 pint of neat gin. Even worse embarrassment than that, vomit ridden, episode was voting for Tony Blair - I'd certainly put that right.

Expand full comment

❤️

Expand full comment

LOL @ Tony Blair.

Expand full comment

London and NewYork, in the early 1980's, Paris in 1910 and also home in the 1970's...I would be buying some property and giving advice to loved ones

Expand full comment

Go back to my late teens and I guess finding a work passion. Each job has had benefits but no set course. Work hard from school for 2 years then travel the world. Seen a bit but would love to see more. Appreciate my freedom and friends more and savour the good times.

Expand full comment

I'd go back to 1989. Marry by Bill again. That skinny 21 year old. That handsome Man of 30. We were only together a few months. Most people thought the only reason we got married was because I was pregnant. But when meet your soulmate you know. 🤷‍♀️

Expand full comment

I wasn't pregnant. We were just in love.

Expand full comment

I guess to answer your question: I wouldn't.

Even though my heart desperately, desperately yearns to walk with Christ on the Sea of Gallilee. More than anything I have ever wanted, I want to touch His robe and be healed of what afflicts me. The mental torment I have every minute of every day is excruciating.

However, I was meant to serve Him now, as imperfect as I am.

So I will stay at my post as the ship sinks.

Expand full comment

❤️

Expand full comment

Back to 1961 Abi and do the whole thing again exactly the same with the same people xx ❤️

Expand full comment

My knee jerk reaction would be to go back and kill Karl Marx but I think if he didn't come up with all that crap someone else would have.

Another part of me would want to go back to when Jesus was alive for obvious reasons but then I think I've been put in this time for a reason and I am where I'm meant to be.

So fuck it, let's have some fun. Put me back to 1980. All the classic Heavy Metal albums came out. I could watch all the classic bands either in their prime or at their beginnings. It would be a pound a ticket and 20p a pint.

Let's have it!

Expand full comment

I always fancied the 1950s- all the big skirts, cute tops, gloves and hats, the getting dressed up each day. The glamour and the relief of change that had come to the world after the forties- always seems exciting although, whether it truly was who knows. Of course even if it was thrilling, it may not have been entirely honest it transpires. In my own life, there is a question I dearly wish I had asked my grandmother. It was an insignificant conversation at the time, but as it has turned out, her answer could have been pivotal to subsequent events in our family. I would also happily relive the last 18 years with my children I cannot believe their childhoods have gone so quickly and I loved being their mum and the little kid bubble before the world interrupted.

Expand full comment

I really ought to go back to the moment things were said that directly led to me being estranged from my hitherto loving mother for 15 years. The next time I saw her she was just a few weeks from a ghastly cancerous death. There was no emotional reconciliation, just a realisation of failure that was too late to correct.

Expand full comment
founding

That is so sad Graham

Expand full comment
founding

I would travel back in time to January 2000 when I spent 2 weeks in Las Vegas & Arizona with my brother. It was the best holiday ever. Such happy carefree days and amazing memories that no one can take away.

Expand full comment

Vegas is amazing, isn’t it? It reminds me of the film Westworld. Somehow unreal. I’ve only been to the US twice and the other time was spent in Manhattan, also atypical, so I’ve really no idea what it’s really like to live in the USA.

Expand full comment
founding

Las Vegas for me has always felt like an escape from reality. I’ve visited Las Vegas 12 times over the years as my brother lived only 90 miles across the border in Arizona.

Expand full comment

Wow! Now that is exciting. Are you a day tripper, rather than a stayer?

Expand full comment
founding

Definitely a stayer

Expand full comment
founding

On a personal basis the question is easy. Back to 1966 to persuade me to get an ordinary job, or go to a trade school, instead of college. The abstraction of college drove me crazy,, but college was "expected" so I couldn't imagine doing anything else.

For historical curiosity as a "time tourist", I'd pick England in the 1840s, where Wheatstone and Faraday were doing science in an entertaining way..

Expand full comment

What!! A time when I didn't have Abi Daily brightening up my life??? Never!

Expand full comment

I wish I could go back to 1984 and write book called 2020

Expand full comment

In my earlier years my fantasy would have been to have spent the summer of 1967 in San Francisco to have a hit of pure hedonism. I also think that Victorian London would be fascinating to wander around in.

Expand full comment

The Roman conquest in Britain. I would be an onlooker though for obvious reasons.

Expand full comment

I wish I could go back to 1984 and write book called 2020

Expand full comment

La dolce vita.. Paris … 🌹

‘Un Homme et Une Femme’

RIP Anouk Aimee 🙏💛

Expand full comment

Pleas do not be disheartened by this. My dearest friend did overcome her addiction - needed the methadone but that worked for her, clean otherwise, happy and enjoying life after a challenging few decades.

Then the jabs.

Expand full comment

Yes that affected her more than anything, up until she died, turbo cancer - 8 weeks.

I was with her when she passed last May. 💔🌹❤️

Expand full comment

Go back to yesterday and redo my euromillions.

Expand full comment

I would like to go back to 1993 and not have my daughter. As much as I love her and my grandsons with all my heart, its a cruel horrible world getting more cruel and horrible by the year, and I know by 2030 it will be utter hell.

Expand full comment
RemovedJun 18
Comment removed
Expand full comment

That sounds a bit sliding doors.

Expand full comment