Abi, such a moving and profound podcast. I've had a very similar experience at the Royal Brompton with my mother! You're right, there has been something very wrong for years with the culture of the NHS as shown in numerous CQ Commission reports and the billions they pay out every year for medical neglect! The DNR order scandal for people with learning disabilities is another example. I've been trying to highlight this for years and have attempted to make the point that a society that can treat the vulnerable in this way has a fault line running through it. Lockdowns were the culmination of it.
Your point about honouring human dignity within each individual is something that needs to be at the centre of a patient focused health system and our medical schools!
I think you should post this episode on Twitter for a wider audience!
Love your voice - it's perfect for country music. You should do a song a week and post it here to cheer us all up! I went to CountrytoCountry this past weekend at the 02- it was fab! Xx
I have no faith in doctors anymore. The Covid scam and the fact that doctors were happy to jab us with an experimental mRNA for financial gain has made me feel this way. When I need a doctor I’m going to contact Dr Dave Cartland www.drcartland.com. One GP, to his own detriment, who has spoken out against the ☠️
Dr Naomi Wolf, a lifelong democrat who voted for Biden, has written a heartfelt apology to all conservatives about her take on J6. Dr Wolf apologises profusely and at length for getting it wrong. It’s a shame that Dr Malhotra cannot do the same.
Finding the right music heals the soul. For me, sometimes it is relaxation music but it can equally be house music, country or soul. I love your songs Abi x
Beautiful song and singer. I've had my own battles with medical 'experts' both for myself and my family. All respect was lost when they gaslit us in the face of contrary evidence. I think we created monsters with the reverence we accorded these pill pushers. One doctor prescribed chemo at 1000x the dose recommended. A simple human error that cost my aunt her life. Fuck them all. It's time to tear down the entire rotten ediface and re-built something worthy of us.
Dear Abi, I cried listening to this, I understand exactly where you are coming from. Your singing and song is beautiful. you may be better off away from twitter, I was on it years ago and only read posts and never posted but I found it a sewer then so I can only imagine it's got a lot worse. Thank you for your podcasts, I love them as I'm sure the rest of the sub stack family do too. Much love xx
You can either respect the sacredness of soul/life or you don't. I have found respite in poetry, paintings and music. Also plonk. Here are some poems that have helped me:
Last night, as I lay sleeping. translated from Spanish.
Last night as I lay sleeping,
I dreamed, Blessed Illusion!
that a spring was breaking
out inside my heart.
I said: Along which secret aqueduct,
Oh water, are you coming to me,
water of a new life
that I have never drunk?
Last night as I lay sleeping,
I dreamed—Blessed Illusion!
that I had a beehive
here inside my heart.
And the golden bees
were making white combs
and sweet honey
from my old failures.
Last night as I lay sleeping,
I dreamed— Blessed Illusion!
that a fiery sun was giving
light inside my heart.
It was fiery because I felt
warmth as from a hearth,
and sun because it gave light
and brought tears to my eyes.
Last night as I lay sleeping,
I dreamed- Blessed Illusion!
that it was the Godhead I had
here inside my heart.
Is my soul asleep?
Have those beehives that labour
at night stopped? And the water
wheel of thought,
is it dry, the cups empty,
wheeling, carrying only shadows?
No my soul is not asleep.
It is awake, wide awake.
It neither sleeps nor dreams, but watches,
its clear eyes open,
it sees far-off things, and listens
at the shores of the great silence.
I also love Mary Oliver, the American poet. 'Wild Swans' is beatiful.
For my sins I work for the NHS as a neuro rehab nurse. I try not to be too ashamed. I took 5 months out in 2021, citing mental health issues to dodge any questioning of the reasons for my problems (the shit show of the jabs and mandates). Obviously I did develop mental health problems anyway, who hasn't? On return I switched to night shifts.
But I did work a day shift during the doctor strikes, and oh my God, the consultants couldn't be arsed to properly plug the gap in the workforce. not reviewing chest x-rays and unable to even use the systems of their junior colleagues. All while asking for £262 an hour to cover strike days.
There are still many good people who work in the NHS, of which I try to be, but it is telling that these usually are junior in rank. My theory is it's because they are HANDS ON. If you are hands on then compassion rises naturally through touch. Senior people are quite anti people, they've lost that connection and have become trapped inside their large but disassociated brains. It's sad.
So if any of you see me dressed in blue on my way to work, please don't think ill of me. There's still some of us who care and are awake. We're just lurking in the shadows, waiting for another time to rise up.
Rrrr Abi thank god your back missed you. And thank goodness you have come off twitter its too negative for you & so many shitbags haters, I've never been on it or to be honest give a shit about the people or there opinions ( my freind who's a painter & decorator often tells me his kick offs on twitter) it is much harder to be an individual than a sheeple & you and substack family are just fab, personally I've lost a few of my customers because of opening me gob & saying what I thought about the scamdemic fuck em I can handle loosing a bit of money . Rrr you & your Terry's hospital experience sound horrendous I'm so sorry for you for Abi , grief is just cruel but unfortunately we got to go though life's tests I know its cliché but time will help & the pain & sadness one day on the horizon won't be so sad & painful. ( speaking from experience I lost all my family within a five year period) Lots of love xx
Such honesty should be applauded. My family asked me to investigate why a care company didn't stay for the time they were paid to attend, which is sadly all too common. I proved they only worked half of their paid for time, despite the best efforts of adult social care to withhold information. After my family died one by one, I had my day in court, only for the judge to completely ignore my evidence. I'm still bitter because I tried to make sure the system never allowed this to happen again.....and I failed.
There was absolutely no excuse for the way you and Terry were treated when you were already under so much stress, I’m amazed at the lack of compassion and care that these so called medical professionals have for people who are suffering physically and emotionally. I don’t think you can ever forget or forgive what they’ve done and I totally understand your feelings towards doctors who very often sneer and look down their noses at patients as they assume unjustified superiority. Listening to you tonight Abi has brought back memories in regard to my son and how news of his diagnosis was delivered but that’s a story for another day as so many things have happened since then.
I hope you’re ok Abi, I was worried when I saw you had disappeared from Twitter but I understand your need to withdraw from it, you just have to look after yourself.
So lovely to hear you sing one of your own songs you have a beautiful voice and have an incredible talent, music really is food for the soul.
Its taken me ages to write this as i lay here yet again unable to sleep at stupid o’clock.
I just wish i could give you the biggest hug 🥰 xx
Having listened to you share such a painful and personal experience with us all,i am in tears about what your beloved Terry and urself went through i know its not easy being the partner of a cancer patient, i often think how hard it is for my husband and wonder what is going through his head.
What a beautiful song and an amazing singing voice you have you are very gifted i must admit music has helped me through so much pain these last 3 years.
I totally get how you feel,particularly about the medical profession......this is exactly where i am with it and am really struggling with it.
As you know due to the big ‘C’ i am at their mercy and just cant get passed this loss of TRUST.
I have spent many counselling sessions over the past months discussing exactly this so they know where i am coming from.
I lost my trust for drs as far back as a 10 year old,i was admitted for a really bad asthma attack bought on by having been sexually abused.At that time i was inappropriately examined by a dr,which has stayed with me forever.....(my late mum clearly remembered the incident too)
Fast forward to the shit show of 2020 my dad found dead at home (apparently been told to stay at home by 111 he was on his own as my mum was in hospital)having to sit in the car and watch his body being carried out of his home in a body bag by 2 people in white hazmat suits as if he was some toxic waste,then being called a covid death without a post mortem and no proper funeral.
Everything my mum went thru,months of isolation from family, a DNR placed upon her without family knowledge,40 year chest clinic patient just brushed aside,long term meds removed from her and the incompetence which eventually led to her fall and eventual death has certainly not helped my mistrust of the NHS at a time when i really need it.
Even a year ago the mistakes made during my husbands hospital admittance for a pulmonary thrombosis and collapsed lung,numerous occasions his oxygen not being switched on has made me very wary.
And all that before we get to the covid vax’s,dr’s not speaking out etc
I feel like i have been going out of my mind with it all and about what i do about my cancer treatment?Are they gonna kill me too?
Its no wonder you are angry,you had barely been able to get over the trauma and grieve over the loss of your husband and mum before the covid shit show was thrown upon us with all the psychological warfare being used too and the loss of like you said the world we had before trying to come to terms with it all.
The very people who we were supposed to trust with looking after us and particularly our health let us all down and its hard to get your head around.
I have had many dark moments during this past 3 years and didn’t want to be here any more, but it has been people like urself Abi speaking out,making me smile who have been a shining light and made me want to keep my light on for just a bit longer✨thanks Abi😘…..Lisa xxxx
Oh Abi,
You’ve been through hell and back. Both you and Terry have suffered so much, whilst he now watches over you, you are left with this pain to carry.
💔💔💔
Thoroughly enjoyed your song, loved the lyrics and you sang it so well 💖💖💖
I do hope that you are ok 💖💖💖
Abi, such a moving and profound podcast. I've had a very similar experience at the Royal Brompton with my mother! You're right, there has been something very wrong for years with the culture of the NHS as shown in numerous CQ Commission reports and the billions they pay out every year for medical neglect! The DNR order scandal for people with learning disabilities is another example. I've been trying to highlight this for years and have attempted to make the point that a society that can treat the vulnerable in this way has a fault line running through it. Lockdowns were the culmination of it.
Your point about honouring human dignity within each individual is something that needs to be at the centre of a patient focused health system and our medical schools!
I think you should post this episode on Twitter for a wider audience!
Love your voice - it's perfect for country music. You should do a song a week and post it here to cheer us all up! I went to CountrytoCountry this past weekend at the 02- it was fab! Xx
I have no faith in doctors anymore. The Covid scam and the fact that doctors were happy to jab us with an experimental mRNA for financial gain has made me feel this way. When I need a doctor I’m going to contact Dr Dave Cartland www.drcartland.com. One GP, to his own detriment, who has spoken out against the ☠️
Dr Naomi Wolf, a lifelong democrat who voted for Biden, has written a heartfelt apology to all conservatives about her take on J6. Dr Wolf apologises profusely and at length for getting it wrong. It’s a shame that Dr Malhotra cannot do the same.
Finding the right music heals the soul. For me, sometimes it is relaxation music but it can equally be house music, country or soul. I love your songs Abi x
Beautiful song and singer. I've had my own battles with medical 'experts' both for myself and my family. All respect was lost when they gaslit us in the face of contrary evidence. I think we created monsters with the reverence we accorded these pill pushers. One doctor prescribed chemo at 1000x the dose recommended. A simple human error that cost my aunt her life. Fuck them all. It's time to tear down the entire rotten ediface and re-built something worthy of us.
Dear Abi, I cried listening to this, I understand exactly where you are coming from. Your singing and song is beautiful. you may be better off away from twitter, I was on it years ago and only read posts and never posted but I found it a sewer then so I can only imagine it's got a lot worse. Thank you for your podcasts, I love them as I'm sure the rest of the sub stack family do too. Much love xx
I got stories, too. I bet a lot of us have. First timer listening btw
Hi Abi,
You can either respect the sacredness of soul/life or you don't. I have found respite in poetry, paintings and music. Also plonk. Here are some poems that have helped me:
Last night, as I lay sleeping. translated from Spanish.
Last night as I lay sleeping,
I dreamed, Blessed Illusion!
that a spring was breaking
out inside my heart.
I said: Along which secret aqueduct,
Oh water, are you coming to me,
water of a new life
that I have never drunk?
Last night as I lay sleeping,
I dreamed—Blessed Illusion!
that I had a beehive
here inside my heart.
And the golden bees
were making white combs
and sweet honey
from my old failures.
Last night as I lay sleeping,
I dreamed— Blessed Illusion!
that a fiery sun was giving
light inside my heart.
It was fiery because I felt
warmth as from a hearth,
and sun because it gave light
and brought tears to my eyes.
Last night as I lay sleeping,
I dreamed- Blessed Illusion!
that it was the Godhead I had
here inside my heart.
Is my soul asleep?
Have those beehives that labour
at night stopped? And the water
wheel of thought,
is it dry, the cups empty,
wheeling, carrying only shadows?
No my soul is not asleep.
It is awake, wide awake.
It neither sleeps nor dreams, but watches,
its clear eyes open,
it sees far-off things, and listens
at the shores of the great silence.
I also love Mary Oliver, the American poet. 'Wild Swans' is beatiful.
For music, I'm listening to this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=srn5Cd9yR3Y
Alison Krauss and Robert Plant. Can't keep my feet from moving.
This is a battle between good and evil.
Best,
Jx
That totally resonates with me Abi.
For my sins I work for the NHS as a neuro rehab nurse. I try not to be too ashamed. I took 5 months out in 2021, citing mental health issues to dodge any questioning of the reasons for my problems (the shit show of the jabs and mandates). Obviously I did develop mental health problems anyway, who hasn't? On return I switched to night shifts.
But I did work a day shift during the doctor strikes, and oh my God, the consultants couldn't be arsed to properly plug the gap in the workforce. not reviewing chest x-rays and unable to even use the systems of their junior colleagues. All while asking for £262 an hour to cover strike days.
There are still many good people who work in the NHS, of which I try to be, but it is telling that these usually are junior in rank. My theory is it's because they are HANDS ON. If you are hands on then compassion rises naturally through touch. Senior people are quite anti people, they've lost that connection and have become trapped inside their large but disassociated brains. It's sad.
So if any of you see me dressed in blue on my way to work, please don't think ill of me. There's still some of us who care and are awake. We're just lurking in the shadows, waiting for another time to rise up.
Rrrr Abi thank god your back missed you. And thank goodness you have come off twitter its too negative for you & so many shitbags haters, I've never been on it or to be honest give a shit about the people or there opinions ( my freind who's a painter & decorator often tells me his kick offs on twitter) it is much harder to be an individual than a sheeple & you and substack family are just fab, personally I've lost a few of my customers because of opening me gob & saying what I thought about the scamdemic fuck em I can handle loosing a bit of money . Rrr you & your Terry's hospital experience sound horrendous I'm so sorry for you for Abi , grief is just cruel but unfortunately we got to go though life's tests I know its cliché but time will help & the pain & sadness one day on the horizon won't be so sad & painful. ( speaking from experience I lost all my family within a five year period) Lots of love xx
Such talent! Loved the song and totally get where you’re coming from. You’re not alone lots of love ❤️
Such honesty should be applauded. My family asked me to investigate why a care company didn't stay for the time they were paid to attend, which is sadly all too common. I proved they only worked half of their paid for time, despite the best efforts of adult social care to withhold information. After my family died one by one, I had my day in court, only for the judge to completely ignore my evidence. I'm still bitter because I tried to make sure the system never allowed this to happen again.....and I failed.
Fuck me. Beautiful. Devastating. Humbling. Human. The Force is strong with this one.
🙏🏽
There was absolutely no excuse for the way you and Terry were treated when you were already under so much stress, I’m amazed at the lack of compassion and care that these so called medical professionals have for people who are suffering physically and emotionally. I don’t think you can ever forget or forgive what they’ve done and I totally understand your feelings towards doctors who very often sneer and look down their noses at patients as they assume unjustified superiority. Listening to you tonight Abi has brought back memories in regard to my son and how news of his diagnosis was delivered but that’s a story for another day as so many things have happened since then.
I hope you’re ok Abi, I was worried when I saw you had disappeared from Twitter but I understand your need to withdraw from it, you just have to look after yourself.
So lovely to hear you sing one of your own songs you have a beautiful voice and have an incredible talent, music really is food for the soul.
Love to you and all the substack family. xx
This girl can sing.
Thank you for being you and having the guts to speak. All the love xxx
Dearest Abi,
Its taken me ages to write this as i lay here yet again unable to sleep at stupid o’clock.
I just wish i could give you the biggest hug 🥰 xx
Having listened to you share such a painful and personal experience with us all,i am in tears about what your beloved Terry and urself went through i know its not easy being the partner of a cancer patient, i often think how hard it is for my husband and wonder what is going through his head.
What a beautiful song and an amazing singing voice you have you are very gifted i must admit music has helped me through so much pain these last 3 years.
I totally get how you feel,particularly about the medical profession......this is exactly where i am with it and am really struggling with it.
As you know due to the big ‘C’ i am at their mercy and just cant get passed this loss of TRUST.
I have spent many counselling sessions over the past months discussing exactly this so they know where i am coming from.
I lost my trust for drs as far back as a 10 year old,i was admitted for a really bad asthma attack bought on by having been sexually abused.At that time i was inappropriately examined by a dr,which has stayed with me forever.....(my late mum clearly remembered the incident too)
Fast forward to the shit show of 2020 my dad found dead at home (apparently been told to stay at home by 111 he was on his own as my mum was in hospital)having to sit in the car and watch his body being carried out of his home in a body bag by 2 people in white hazmat suits as if he was some toxic waste,then being called a covid death without a post mortem and no proper funeral.
Everything my mum went thru,months of isolation from family, a DNR placed upon her without family knowledge,40 year chest clinic patient just brushed aside,long term meds removed from her and the incompetence which eventually led to her fall and eventual death has certainly not helped my mistrust of the NHS at a time when i really need it.
Even a year ago the mistakes made during my husbands hospital admittance for a pulmonary thrombosis and collapsed lung,numerous occasions his oxygen not being switched on has made me very wary.
And all that before we get to the covid vax’s,dr’s not speaking out etc
I feel like i have been going out of my mind with it all and about what i do about my cancer treatment?Are they gonna kill me too?
Its no wonder you are angry,you had barely been able to get over the trauma and grieve over the loss of your husband and mum before the covid shit show was thrown upon us with all the psychological warfare being used too and the loss of like you said the world we had before trying to come to terms with it all.
The very people who we were supposed to trust with looking after us and particularly our health let us all down and its hard to get your head around.
I have had many dark moments during this past 3 years and didn’t want to be here any more, but it has been people like urself Abi speaking out,making me smile who have been a shining light and made me want to keep my light on for just a bit longer✨thanks Abi😘…..Lisa xxxx